Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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