i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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