i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
