you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
