Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize