I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
