while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
