He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
