Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
