I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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