we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
