I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Gay?
German.
Pity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
