I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
