ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
