Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my liver is dry heaving
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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