That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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