Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
