There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love having hate sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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