dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
