i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
