Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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