My sheets look like a crime scene.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
