Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
