Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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