distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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