How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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