In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
