When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
