Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
