That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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