Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
