So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
