I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
