Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
