My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
where am i from again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize