dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
