I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
