sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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