Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
