when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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