i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
