so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize