I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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