She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
