I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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