he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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