All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
