my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
