I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
