So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
