i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
