i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
