His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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