i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
