New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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