I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
