You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
