dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
