It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
