she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
