The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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