this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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