Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize