Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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