I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
