he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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