you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
