so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
