feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
