i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't notice because vodka
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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