He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize