I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
