My room smells like vodka and shame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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