Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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