So drunk its hurt
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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