the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
