"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
