Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have post one night stand depression
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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