i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
