omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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