The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
