I'm so fucking centered right now
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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