Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
