Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Randomize
