The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
