Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
