i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
