Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
