he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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