I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
