Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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