every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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