Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
