when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
