Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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