i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
