pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize