So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
