your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I intend to get homeless drunk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
