Porn is love you can see.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
