I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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