Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
