I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
