She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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