so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
