Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
