I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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