You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
