Pappa wants mamma naked
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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